


It's (not) okay to feel tired.

by Idespisemilk



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Protective Sam | Awesamdude, Protective Toby Smith | Tubbo, Scared TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, The happy ending isn't that happy, Tommy doesn't have a good time, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), save him holy shit, sorry lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idespisemilk/pseuds/Idespisemilk
Summary: (There's big themes of suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and hallucations in this so read with caution!)Tommy knows to never take feeling safe for granted. He also knows it won't ever last long.He only wanted closure, instead he got stuck with the main thing that hurt him.
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 11
Kudos: 173





	It's (not) okay to feel tired.

**Author's Note:**

> hEllO back to bring y'all that tommyinnit angst   
>  Lmao I got tired near the ending so sorry it gets kinda shitty

Tommy's tired, it's been a week since the " _i_ _ncident"_ , He's free from that small space yet he doesn't even feel free. Sometimes he still feels like he's trapped in a box with no way out, _like he's still trapped with that dumb fucking smiley prick._ He remembers the day he was finally let out, How Sam had quickly rushed him out the prison and how Sam had hugged him.

He remember's Tubbo being there hugging him to sleep the first night he was out, how tubbo wrapped up his damaged hand's, _the hand's that tried so hard to claw his way out, the hand's that hit and scratched at the man he was stuck with. The hand's that reached for the lava that begged for him to swim in._

The next day tubbo didn't leave his side, and while tommy so desperately wanted it to feel safe and welcoming it only felt suffocating. When tubbo would walk behind him he would tense up, he would prepare himself for the attack. _Hand's grabbing him from behind, the attack's that came with. He cried and cried for someone to let him out, All he got was dream holding him in false comfort, dream telling him no one's gonna come, no one cares._

The next day tommy leaves tubbo, goes back to his dirt home and stays inside. He doesn't answer the calls from the newly made device in the corner, _dream threw his old one in the lava,_ he ignores the knocks. He ignores everything and cries. He cries all day and wishes for it all to stop. He still feels dream's eyes on his backside, still hears the laughter when tommy would scream his voice out for his dad, for Sam, _for someone._ He feel's the hand's running through his hair, the mocking comments telling him " _I'm all you have left tommy..I won't leave you."_ It feel's to real, it is too real. That night tommy screamed and destroyed anything in his house. He begged for everything to stop touching him to leave him alone.

That night tommy cried himself to sleep wanting everything to stop.

* * *

The next day is worse, He see's things move from the corner of his eye's. He still hasn't left his house yet, still terrified to leave. He doesn't cry, too tired to even try and cry. Tommy just sits on his bed and stares at the wall where his now half-broken mirror is. He just stares at himself, it's all he can do, When his bed suddenly shifts, when he feel's hands petting his head. He's to tired to freeze, tired of constantly feeling scared. He just stares at the mirror as he watches the image of someone form by his side.

Wilbur is the one that shows up, petting his hair looking at him with soft eyes, Wilbur's eye's are white yet it makes him feel so _safe_. Brings him back to a time when he was little he had scrapped his knee, he cried for wilbur, for his older brother to save him! That same loving look was right there. And as tommy slowly started feeling safer he feels the hand harshly grip at his hair, the loving look disappear, he watches as wilbur shifts to this horrible messed up wilbur.

His breathe hitches when he sees the large cut on that Wilbur's chest, panic seizes his body when he realizes the wilbur thats there is the bad wilbur. The wilbur that hurt him and manipulated him. The wilbur that destroyed everything. His breathing starts getting choppy, it's hard to breathe it's hard to see.

He remembers turning around harshly to punch at the figure, a yell halfway out his throat for it to leave him be when he realizes there's nothing there. When he realizes he's alone. Tommy stay's still, fist in the air, breathing heavily. And suddenly he gripped at his hair falling onto his side, he screams and screams, the tears that before he was to tired to bring out slip fast down his cheeks. 

_"poor pitiful tommy."_ A voice starts causing him to freeze once again. " _It's ok, I'm here. I won't hurt you."_

He look's up slowly and see's that mask, it's false happy look threatening him. He watches as it comes closer, everything in him tells him to get up and leave, that it's not even real. Dream's still locked up, his not with dream. Hands reappearing in his hair mocking him once again.

He passes out on his bed that night.

* * *

That morning tommy does bring himself to leave his house, but he doesn't go to anyone. He goes straight to the nether, as he walks on the horribly built tree bridge he stares at the lava. Once he would stare at it wishing to fall in it. He felt safe those times, as sad as it is it was true. He remembers how one night he had came here in exile, how he sat on the bridge and talked to no one except the lava as if it could hear him. How he almost let go that night, but at the last moment he had stopped and ran out the nether crying.

He remembers falling asleep alone that night in his horribly built tent. No one there with him except the stars and moon.

But now when he stares at the lava he doesn't feel safe, instead he see's the horrible time's. _He see's himself trapped in that box with dream, how he would stare and stare until his eyes burned forcing him to look away. How one time he walked to the lava almost there to join it when dream had harshly tossed him back. How dream kicked him that night and yelled at him. He remembers that during that all he did was stare at the lava._

Tommy remember's how sad it was, that he was so scared to be stuck with dream that he would've rather died then go through all that again. His thoughts are pushed away when he realizes he stopped infront of a familiar path. He could see the portal, _could see flashbacks of him and techno laughing as they walked back ho- to techno's base._ He wonder's if techno laughs on the way back with Phil now. He wonder's if techno is happy now that tommy isn't there anymore.

_He wonder's if they miss him as much as he missed them. If they regret like he regrets. If they would accept him back one day. If they planned on killing him too._

When tommy hears the sound of someone coming through a portal, that same portal that he could see shifting around. When he see's two familiar people appearing from it he snaps out of his thoughts and runs back to the main portal.

_He isn't ready to see them yet. He isnt ready for the sword's to stab into him as he watches his older brother and father leave him to die. He isn't ready to watching them leave him again._

As tommy comes through the main portal back to where he can see the community house, _the house where everyone believed he did it, the house no one except techno believed he did it,_ He saw Sam talking with tubbo when they both snapped their heads his way. How tubbo looked sad when tommy flinched, Tubbo had ditched whatever he was saying to sam and quickly made his way to tommy. 

Tommy feel's the warmth of the hug tubbo gives him once he reached tommy. Feels the way tubbo shakes as he cries and grabs onto tommy as if he was scared tommy would disappear right then and there. Tommy remembers how he started crying with tubbo, how the two of them sunk to the ground holding onto each other as they cried together. He remembers Sam kneeling down beside the two and patting his shoulder with a soft smile. Tommy remembers how safe he felt as he cried louder that night.

Tommy went to bed in snowchester with tubbo holding onto him still that night. How sam came in and pulled the blanket over the two, softly ruffling Tommy's hair as he walks out the room.

Tommy went to bed feeling safe that night.

* * *

Over the next few day's tommy felt himself growing better, Tubbo and sam didn't leave his side but still somehow gave him space making tommy grateful. He spent time helping tubbo with his garden and potatoes, the two laughing as they talked about different things never holding the same topic for long.

He remembers at one point when tubbo held his hand, "I'll always be here you know, I love you tommy. Your my best friend and my brother." Tubbo stated looking so serious but so happy at the same time.

Tommy was shocked at how random it was, once he did gain back his thoughts he gave tubbo a smile and nodded. 

Tubbo remember's hearing tommy mumble out "I love you too." And how tommy denied it after. How tubbo laughed and laughed as tommy stated jokingly "I'm a big man! I don't love anyone but women bitch! Fix your ears." 

The two laughed for hours that day not really finishing any work that day either, but neither mind. Tubbo was just happy tommy felt safe and could smile that day.

* * *

Tommy had pushed back the date on his hotel reveal stating, "Gotta fix the place up first sammy, look at all the trash and weeds ay? No one's gonna wanna come here if it's dirty."

And while it seemed valid sam knew the real reason why tommy wasn't ready to open the hotel. He remembers how hurt tommy was when he got told about what jack tried to do, He saw how it broke Tommy's heart more.

When tubbo found out he wanted to hit jack so bad. But tommy told him not to worry about it and pushed it away when he was asked about it. Tubbo just hugged tommy, it was all he could do and tommy appreciated it so much.

There was also the fact tommy was still traumatized from being stuck in the prison, He knew tommy needed time and tommy knew that too, just didn't want to admit it out loud. And normally sam would tell tommy that it wasn't healthy but he knew it would hurt tommy more if he said it out loud. He just hugged tommy at times and let him know to take breaks, that tommy could always talk with him whenever he wanted.

Lastly he knew tommy wasn't ready to see anyone except him and tubbo and sometimes puffy. Something happened in the prison with dream that tommy wouldn't tell anyone, but he saw how tommy flinched when phil or anyone else was mentioned. He heard tommy cry to tubbo about how everyone hated him, how he just wanted his friends and family back.

Sam wished he could help tommy more, he wished tommy didn't go through all the thing's he did go through. Gods the kid was only sixteen and yet he had more scars and trauma then most of the adults on this server did. Sam never went a second without feeling guilty about tommy being in the prison with dream, how he would non-stop work on what had happened just to let tommy out. How he wishes he could of just let him free the second everything happened but knew he couldn't.

Sam doesn't go a day without wishing he could just save tommy from everything. Bring tubbo and him far away where they could be free and live safe. He felt protective towards both the boy's, he felt angry at those who hurt them and he felt the pain they went through.

Sam wishes he could do more, but all he can do is hold tommy and say

" _It's ok to cry, it's ok to come to me when you aren't ok. It's ok to not feel ok because no matter what me and tubbo will be here for you. We love you tommy, and gods are you so fucking brave for what you've gone through. For what you've done."_

And that's enough for tommy to live more, that's enough for tommy to breathe and walk ahead in life.

Sam and tubbo are enough for him, they give him the reason to keep on. They help him whenever he need's it. Tubbo will hold his hand on days where tommy thinks he sees dream, where he thinks he's stuck in that box again with dream. Tubbo will comfort him and tell him that dream isn't there. That he would fight dream to protect tommy. Tubbo calms him down and makes him laugh when it happens and that's enough for him.

When tommy feels down and when he wishes to just be free again sam brings him back up and let's tommy know he's free and that sam won't let anyone hurt tommy. Sam holds his hand when he see's lava and whispers to him about how brave he is and how strong he is. How sam will divert his attention from the lava and distract him until he forgets.

And that's enough for him, for the first time in so long tommy felt safe, he felt free and he didn't feel tired. He didn't feel scared to cry anymore and he slowly stopped seeing dream.

The two had even brought him to puffy, at first he threw a fit saying he didn't need therapy, now he see's her every tuesday. Puffy holds his hand when he talks about his issues and cheers him up when he talks about the bad things.

He remembers all three of them hugging him when he told them what happened in the cell, why his hands had been so damaged and what he tried to do. 

He remembers tubbo crying when he found out about all the things he went through in exile. Tubbo didn't leave his side again for four days after that. They ended up talking about it and it ended with them crying once more. But it was happy this time, they both felt free after that and thankful.

Sure tommy still had issues, he still felt unsafe at times and still freaked at times. He still had bad days more then good days and he still felt horrified at speaking to the people who wronged and hurt him. But tommy was building himself back up with the three people that mattered most to him.

He knew everything would be fine as long as he had tubbo, puffy, and sam. 

And that was enough for him.

* * *

**_"That should be enough TNT to get you out.". A dark figure spoke ontop of the prison at night. Another standing beside him shifting back and forth nervously._**

**_Below the obsidian, the lava and the redstone, dream rolled his head to the side, smiling underneath that forever happy mask. Hands cracking as he stood up staring into the lava._ **

**_"I've had enough time being in here anyway."_ **

****

**_The sound of tnt filling the air, so loud that anyone could hear it. Heads from all over snapping to the sound trying to figure out what it was._ **

**_One boy waking up to the loud sound's quickly going to reach for his friends hand only to realize there was no one beside him and how the covers looked like the person rushed out the bed. One hybrid creeper slamming open the guest window too see smoke coming from where the prison stood before rushing to the room where he last saw the two boys._**

****

* * *

****

**Author's Note:**

> .... . .----. ... / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / .. -. / -.-. --- -. - .-. --- .-.. / .- ..-. - . .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / ---... -.--.-


End file.
